How can I know if I will go to heaven?
Although you cannot know with the same certainty you have in a base-10 system that 2 + 2 = 4, you can ask yourself: “Are God’s ways and values becoming more and more normal for me?” Also, “To what am I entitled and why?”
Jesus’ teaching about the Last Judgment (Mt 25:31–46) features two sets of people who have very different senses of “normal” in responding to people in need. Those who refuse to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, and perform similar acts of compassion probably felt that they were simply “being realistic.” Hence, they are quite surprised when they are not welcomed into heaven. Is it indeed possible to be more realistic than God is? No. Is there such a thing as a serious sin of omission? Yes.
In Jesus’ story about a rich man and the poor Lazarus (Lk 16:19–31), the rich man thinks there must be a mistake because he is in torment while Lazarus is next to Abraham. Still used to giving orders, he tells Abraham to send Lazarus to bring him some water. “No can do,” says Abraham in effect. “Time has run out for you.”
It’s tempting to believe that heaven follows the same rules as life on earth: Who counts and who does not? Jesus’ teaching rejects that idea.
In both Gospel stories, there is a hint of the “prosperity Gospel,” a GPS-like device that allows people to chart their way into heaven. Jesus suggests a very different standard: Do you recognize each person as someone created and loved by God—and then act accordingly?
People cannot “earn” their way into heaven, which is simply the culmination of accepting God’s ways as normal.
Cursed by Our Mother
My mother, who has dementia, sometimes curses my sister and me. We try to take very good care of her. How can we deal with these disturbing incidents? Her doctor may be able to prescribe medication that addresses these disturbing events. When they happen, I suggest that you remember happier days with her. Unfortunately, that mother is physically but not psychologically the one now cursing you.
Your mother’s curses ultimately have only as much power as you give them.
Dealing with Suicide
My husband died by suicide. How can I know if he is in heaven?
My condolences on your loss. It will never go away, but you can learn to live a good life in your radically, painfully changed situation. See the first Q and A on this page about heaven.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, “Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of suffering, hardship, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide” (2282b). It goes on to say: “We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunities for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives” (2283).
If you search on the Internet “Rolheiser and suicide”, you will get several links, including “Losing a Loved One to Suicide,” an article by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI, who has been writing about suicide for decades. He makes four main points about suicide: 1) It is a disease, perhaps the most misunderstood of all diseases; 2) We should not worry unduly about the eternal salvation of a suicide victim; 3) We should not torture ourselves with guilt and second-guessing when we lose a loved one to suicide; and 4) When we lose loved ones to suicide, one of our tasks is to work at redeeming their memory by putting their lives back into perspective so that the manner of their death doesn’t forever taint their memory. The entire article explains these four statements above.
He has also written several books on this subject, including Bruised and Wounded: Struggling to Understand Suicide.
May the Lord be your strength and your guide.
Why Doesn’t God Help?
I am wondering what the Church and Scriptures say about God and accidents/natural disasters. In those situations, there is no abuse of human freedom, but bad things sometimes just happen. Why doesn’t God help? You hear about kids and people devastated by earthquakes or tsunamis, suffering agonizing death, or having to live with lifelong trauma. Why should they feel safe in this world if God allows catastrophes to innocent people? I lost my mother in such a circumstance. I understand how humans’ free will—and the abuse of it—can cause harm, but I don’t understand why the world imposes pain and sorrow on people who did nothing to deserve it.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Does God live in time the way that humans do (past/present/future)? Your question (a very common and important one) suggests a yes response. I say no because that would impose a human limitation on God.
God does not directly decide when and where there will be a flood, an earthquake, or other natural disaster. Still less does God decide who will survive those events and who will not.
Yes, God made the world, but it operates according to its own laws. Natural disasters, unfortunately, result from those laws. Humans can protect themselves by prudent actions such as observing fire safety, not building houses in certain areas, etc., but even those actions cannot always protect people from natural disasters.
People who interpret natural disasters as a reason not to believe in God are not thereby protecting themselves or their loved ones from such tragedies. The best response to a natural disaster is to live prudently and offer as much compassionate aid as a person can.
