Roy Petitfils

None of us is perfect. We’re all a mixed bag. Inside each of us coexists light and darkness, good and bad, grace and sin. Ideally, sacramental marriage is a safe place where we can be confronted on our “stuff.” Left to our own natural devices, our first and only reaction would be to fortify our ego, stand our ground and be right. Grace enables a relationship to transcend our natural inclinations. Grace can transform what would otherwise be a convenient living arrangement into a sacred space where we feel safe enough to expose our brokenness and receive forgiveness.

In every marriage, there comes a sobering awareness that you are not able to do as much of your own thing. Even with a great marriage preparation experience, it is still normal for couples to wake up one day and think, “This is not the person I married. What happened?” It is natural for couples to experience some disillusionment in the early years. A time comes when you realize that your spouse isn’t all you thought and things aren’t working out quite as smoothly as you once hoped.  We were not created to bear the weight of perfection.

God designed marriage to be joyful. I once believed the words of a newlywed friend, that, “things will just work themselves out.” After seven years of marriage and working with couples as a therapist, I’ve learned that relationships succeed because we work things out. Marriages are not self-sustaining and do not survive on autopilot. They require constant attention and intentional effort. But it can be rewarding effort. It can be an adventure! And like any adventure it is not easy. There are unexpected detours, obstacles, and challenges.