Many of us struggle with feeling disconnected from God at times. This author offers some helpful steps to enter God’s presence.
Many people who pray regularly have experiences in life when prayer is easy, and every situation or encounter speaks of God’s presence. When praying with Scripture, they connect to Jesus and can relate the passage to their lives. It is easy to see where God is leading, since discernment is easy.
Perhaps for you, like it has been for me at times, your prayer experience is anything but easy. You can remember instances when you entered into a prayer time and “felt” God’s presence. But now the 20 minutes you set aside for quiet prayer is full of distractions, and the time you set to reflect on the day’s readings seems like an eternity.
At times like this, I find myself frequently checking my clock to see how much time is left. Even at Mass some days, I find my mind wandering to tasks I have planned for later. I catch myself and try to focus on the words of the Eucharistic prayer and find it difficult. My physical body is there, but my mind is elsewhere.
As I have grown in understanding more about prayer through talking to a spiritual director and reading the lives of the saints, I realized that times of distractions, the lack of feeling God’s presence, and struggling through my usual methods of prayer are common experiences on the spiritual journey. Many people were surprised to learn that Mother Teresa felt an emptiness in her experience of prayer during much of her ministry. She, like many other saints, had periods of feeling God’s absence. Yet, like St. Teresa of Calcutta, they continued to pray.
You Are Normal
Whatever name we give it, it is normal for most people to have occurrences in life when prayer can seem difficult. Every rosary we pray, every morning prayer we recite, and every liturgy we attend are probably not going to have our full attention. Much of our prayer life may not be easy. However unfocused prayer may seem, we are still praying by offering our time and effort to God.
What causes this dryness in our prayer? Some may relate it to a period of grief after a loved one dies suddenly or too young, while others may look to a period following a job loss or unexpected move. Having a mental illness like depression may make prayer difficult. For many of us, these periods just happen. It is important to remember you are still praying, even though you may not feel peace and comfort. Putting the effort in prayer is a sacrifice we make and God accepts it.
Here are some steps you can try to enter into prayer when it is difficult. Remember that prayer is a relationship with God our creator, whom we know as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Relationships take time and are based on love. In our friendships and marriages there are times when we hear “I love you.” There are also times when the love is there, but more silent to our expectations. The same is true in our relationship with God.
Rituals and Tasks
Begin your prayer time remembering to put yourself in God’s presence. Take a moment to focus by breathing in God’s grace and breathing out distractions.
When I return home from work, I have rituals that act as a transition to the rest of the day when I will spend time in quiet prayer. I get something to drink, call my mom, and sit and review the day. Finishing these daily rituals, I am ready to move into quiet prayer. We may have rituals with our prayer like making the Sign of the Cross, lighting a candle, or sitting in a particular room and body position. These rituals are consistent and help us transition.
Building in quiet times when God can speak to you throughout the day also helps. I find that if I follow a quiet prayer time with a task such as washing dishes or vacuuming, my mind turns to God and I know God’s presence. Going for a walk, exercising, or practicing yoga can become prayer times. Ask God to meet you in the unexpected.
Scripture Prompts
Recall God’s love and care for you by recalling Scripture verses that speak of God’s love. My go-to passage is Psalm 139, a psalm found in the Liturgy of the Hours that I prayed on several directed retreats: God intimately knows me in my mother’s womb. Recall and slowly reread the words.
Other passages that I refer to for prayer include Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,” and Isaiah 43: 1–5: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Another passage that helps when prayer is difficult is the Emmaus account in Luke 24. The two disciples are confused about all that has happened and they share this with the “stranger” who later is revealed as Jesus. Jesus accompanies and listens to the disciples as he also accompanies and listens to us. God never betrays us and is always there.
Using Your Imagination
St. Ignatius of Loyola teaches a method of prayer, called Ignatian contemplation or imaginative prayer, that uses the senses and imagination to place ourselves into a biblical passage. This type of prayer moves me from being active—using my mind to imagine the scene—to more quiet moments of listening to what God is saying to me. If I am really distracted, I describe in a journal what the passage would look like, which helps me focus. All prayer takes practice and time.
Another technique of prayer I find helpful is imagining myself being in a place where I experienced God’s love and presence. I remember a chapel visit when I felt God embracing me after a car accident that left me in pain for months. I travel in my mind to a place in nature when I felt God’s presence. If I am praying with a specific Scripture passage, like the Samaritan woman at the well, I remember the time it had a major effect on my life and led to my adult commitment to faith.
Examen Prayer
Praying an Examen, another prayer method taught by St. Ignatius of Loyola, is the process of putting ourselves in God’s presence and reviewing one’s day. Next, I ask God to show me all the graces and gifts I received during the day, and I express gratitude. Continuing the Examen, I ask the Spirit to reveal to me ways I have failed and I ask for pardon, forgiveness, and healing. Finally, I offer prayers for the next day, considering what may happen, the people I may meet, and my hopes. I conclude with an Our Father.
I find that at times it is helpful to use one of the Examen apps available. In particular I like Pray as You Go, which includes meditation and several different Examens.
Apps and Spiritual Reading
We live in an age when we have apps and other online tools to aid our prayer. My day is hemmed with morning and evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours, which I pray from an app. I like praying the Liturgy of the Hours because I am joined with others in the Church’s prayers and my friends that pray it daily. Consistency is important.
Many people find praying with the daily lectionary readings to be fruitful, and these are available online or in the Magnificat or Give Us This Day magazines that are published monthly.
Spiritual reading of a book on prayer or a saint helps me when I am in a rut; I may return to the same book. There are many daily devotionals you can choose for Advent and Lent or for the whole year. Being a Secular Franciscan, I enjoy and am challenged by the reflections in Peace and Good: Through the Year with Francis of Assisi, by Pat McCloskey, OFM. It includes prayers and readings by and about St. Francis.
Reading the lives of the saints has helped me learn that there is a lot of ordinariness in their lives. There are many books on saints, and online you can find Saint of the Day reflections at FranciscanMedia.org for more inspiration.
Faith Sharing
If your prayer is empty or unfocused, faith sharing—talking about experiences of prayer and the Spirit—may help. Sharing my faith experience and listening to the stories and experiences of my brothers and sisters of faith are ways of knowing God’s active presence in our lives.
Reflecting on times of emptiness when I was depressed, I know that faith sharing was extremely helpful, whether it was with friends, my Secular Franciscan fraternity, or a spiritual director. I remember going to confession and admitting that I wasn’t feeling anything in prayer and felt that I wasn’t praying. The confessor counseled me that I was praying and that God’s graces were there every moment.
Don’t be alone in your spiritual emptiness. Join a Bible study or faith-sharing group in your parish in person or online. Through sharing with others, I have realized that much of my faith journey is ordinary and not extraordinary. Accepting this reality has made my journey easier and helped me be more faithful to prayer times.
Journal Writing
Keeping a journal and reflecting on past journal entries is another way to find hope in prayer. I often write letters to God and tell him my feelings. I complain about my emptiness and lack of affirmation in my prayer but also acknowledge that I know in my heart that God is there. I tell the Lord I am frustrated or discouraged.
Being honest with God helps me know God’s love by remembering that God is present, even though I may not feel God’s presence as I once had. Many times, my writing leads to quiet times of reflection.
If you have journal entries from your “conversion” experiences, mementos, prayer cards, or letters that relate to you spiritually, go back to them. Read them and make them your prayer again. I find rereading journals helps me see how God has acted in my life without me even knowing it until I reread my writing. It is like the story of two sets of footprints on the beach and one disappears. At the end of the reflection, the speaker realizes that Jesus was carrying her during the difficult times.
Good Company
The important thing is to be faithful and consistent to your prayer time, even though you struggle. You may try a different prayer method, such as adding journaling, Lectio Divina, or centering prayer. My spiritual director encourages me to be eclectic in my prayer; having the knowledge of different types of prayer enables me to choose different ways to pray.
Just because you are not “feeling” God’s presence in prayer does not mean you are not praying or being faithful to your commitment. You are in good company. We should not doubt God’s presence or love. Our whole lives are connected to God.
