St. Anthony Messenger

Questioning God ‘s Plan

My wife and I are both seriously ill and have been since we married 14 years ago. Now her medications have stopped working, and we are meeting with the doctors. I’m currently very angry and questioning God’s plan. I don’t know if I’m losing my faith. Although I will always believe in Jesus, our present suffering and fear overwhelm me with questions. She is everything to me, and I want to be strong for her. God’s will be done. I feel like a sinner for questioning I am simply lost.

I hope your doctors will find effective medications or therapies for her. If not, they may recommend a local hospice program that will benefit both of you. You are probably not losing your faith in God but are on the uncomfortable cusp of a deeper faith, one you could not have previously developed because there was no need for it. Questioning God now is not the enemy of your faith but the engine for a more mature faith in light of your painfully changed circumstances. Questioning was part of how the faith of Thomas the apostle grew (Jn 20:24–29).

Your faith is not simply its content (including the idea that nothing this bad will ever happen to you). It is also relationship. Your relationship with your wife has probably enjoyed good times and survived tough times. I pray that your new relationship with God will do the same.

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